My Afternoon Nightmare

24 Sept, I was unable to report for work due to gastric pains and period cramps. After taking my medicines, I slept and it was about 3pm that time.

My head was against the wall, with windows above me, where I can see grayish sky.
Feet is almost toward the room door, beside door is our built-in cabinet.

It was a good sleep with dream that seems like very real, so vivid.

I was with couple of friends back home in Manila. They were mix of my high school classmates and some ex colleagues. Just to write down some of the scenarios that can still remember....

My friends and I were having fun, eating chocolates and marshmallows. We are wearing black and up to some event. I was talking to this guy and seems like we are very close and he was handing me some sweets. Unfortunately, I cannot remember who he was and no recall on his facial feature. First we were there to watch or witness this Tagalog movie, starring Iza Calzado and Lot Lot De Leon. The scene, there is this demonic possession that is happening and some workers in the movie got possessed - there was some flooding as well .. the movie was not in full and second thing I knew is that we have to find our spot on a big bed to sleep on, placed inside a sort of a camp site. I found mine, beside an ex colleague, she was close to the edge of the bed.

And so we slept. Next thing I knew, I heard my mobile phones ringing. One after the other. I tried to reach for it but I cannot move my body neither my arms and hand. Still ringing. Sad part is I just noticed that I was already alone and I cannot find anyone to help me. I tried to scream for help, but no voice is coming out of me. I tried to move, I cannot. I tried to see who was calling me but I cannot move even my head. When I tried to scream again, I just felt that something was placed inside my mouth, taste like sand.....I am sure it's not food, I see no one, yet, I can feel something or someone is around me - playing tricks on me. Again, my phone rings - I remmber seeing Sony Ericsson and some old Nokia mobile handset.... those are my phones years back. Anyway, going back, still I cannot move myself and feeling that my entire body is totally wrapped by fear, I started to pray. Prayed so hard, that I know I cannot move even my tongue. I was like going into a stroke. But I have to stay calm and keep on praying. I try to move again, and this time i felt a bit of improvement that I know I was able to move my arms... but I cannot see it moving. All I see is myself frozen in fears, that my head is looking upward and my body is a bit twisted. I hear in the background were mahjong chips being shuffled. I knew am close to reality. I kept on praying very hard. And then there I woke up. Same position as my dream where  the grayish sky again. I walked and reached for the widely open door, as I about to close it, I saw a white labrador, quite big but weird, because it has some stripes. He was staring at me while moving away from me. I just ignored him, never realising we do not have dogs at home, I immediately went to the kitchen and saw that one of the burners of our stove is lit and a frying pan was on it. So i closed it. Then, the other burner started to lit up. Oh no, I think I was still being played on. Then I looked around and saw there were couple of stoves around me that starts to lit up........ ohhh noo! I want to wake up!!!

And there, managed to wake up and saw my right arm is behind me and feeling numb.

I tried to move and get up, which I managed to. Thank God. Feel so relieved..... Thank You Lord, am still alive.

Ze Book

The one am so Onz about!

No room for regrets!

20 September 2012

Stella (colleague) absolutely right, unknowingly, the tea that I had is preventing me to from sleeping (00:58 at the moment).  I thought of “why not I listen to my Bible audio book?” – nah, cannot because am charging and plug is away from the bed, another is “I will just read the book I bought yesterday!” – oh, also cannot – BF needs to sleep and yes, lights off. Instead, I just opened my laptop and surf online – first website to visit… recently held Spikes Asia 2012.

Happy to tell that I became part of it (Spikes), and yes, it was the first and hopefully not the last renowned advertising festival for me. My company (Aegis Media, Thank You!!!) sent me as a delegate cum competitor for Young Spikes  - Media category. Cut story short, not lucky enough to bag some medals but did bring home a tremendous experience that leaves a handful of lessons to take note and make use of.

In fact, not being so melodramatic, Spikes became an awakening point for me. I have a lot of realizations and have recalled how I became so lax with everything. Thought I was good enough, prepared enough and knowledgeable enough. So I stopped reading. I got tired of crafting short stories and noticed that I haven’t updated my blog for a year or so. What happened to my passion to dancing? I have bought running shoes that I rarely use and signed up for a year of gym class that I seldom go to. In short, I just found myself being stuck in a super unhealthy routine that has not helped me to grow mentally, spiritually and emotionally – oh yes, physically I did grow - hips and tummy are wider than before! Not good. All these hit me like a tornado crashing into a dilapidated house…. Totally ruined. (Yes, I exaggerated!)

But instead of to weep after devastation, I quickly got on my feet and cleared my mind – plan ahead! With the help of my friends and family members (boyfriend and sis especially) I was able to get enough confidence to start and continue the fight in the search for greatness – very cliché but true. Like one friend told me, pain is what makes us stronger. Hence, if I am in so much pain now because a new and better version of me is coming out of me also. Of course, it will not be easy like am super okay in an instant; I needed to do some retail therapy. For a change, I bought myself a book. It has been a very long time (I cannot remember) since the last time I bought one. I am on chapter 2 now, and am very happy that it is working little by little.

Such may not be enough. Another one I just added to my bucket list is to try and experience becoming a lector in church. I always go to church but the fact of go to church because you are to render your for a gospel, is something very new yet totally nerve-wracking. Must conquer fear – usual advise from our dear friends especially those succeed ones – usual advise that I must really take on seriously. What is it in there that we need to feel afraid of? It’s not the end of the world if we commit this work related mistakes (unless a crime perhaps?) and just like artiste, we’re always as good as our last performance so better give it all!

Okay, I think the tea in my body is already diluted by water I took before hitting the bed – drowsy now.

Tell you more about my day tomorrow and what other realizations that have been filling up my mind.

Good night.